Love vs Being in Love
While both are often used interchangeably they are not the same. “Love” is often something you choose, you can select who you love. You look at their personality, connection, morals etc., and decide “ I really love hanging out with this person They make ME feel good.” Because it feels good you soak it all up, but when it doesn’t feel good you can make the choice to let it go.
“Being in Love”, well that’s a bit different, you don’t select this, it just happens. When it comes to being in love you focus more on making THEM feel good. What makes this so different is what when it doesn’t feel good, the choice to let go is not so easy. Even when you do manage to walk out, the feeling sticks around so much longer. This is because being in love comes with more emotion, affections and attachment. It is what allows you to go past the honeymoon stage and have an argument and still make up afterwards.
One of the biggest signs of being in love is that you care deeply about their wellbeing and making them feel appreciated. This does not mean forgetting about yourself, instead it’s about you feeling good in exchange because you know they are feeling good.
Another good sign is that even repeated moments are still exciting. Whether it’s the ongoing Friday night movie tradition or talking about your first drive in together, you look forward to that moment and all the feeling it brings. You might even find yourself engaging in things that may not be your favourite, but it’s all about compromise, because your favourite person feels good.
You can go longer without hearing from them: There was a period in time when you felt like you needed to speak to or hear from them every moment. Of course things fade and find a groove. However, if your groove becomes so slow that it’s almost forgetful and forget about them more than remember. It’s not that you don't care or love them as a person, it might speak more to them not being your person.
When you think about your near future, they aren’t part of it: While we can’t predict the future, our mind often drifts to what we would like it to look like and who we would like in it. If you frequently take trips to the future and they are not included, it might speak to a lack of emotional connection associated with being in love.
You only notice their flaws: Now there is no such thing as a perfect person, nowhere. But there is what is called “your perfect person” the one that comes with flaws that you consider quirky instead of annoying, because all the things you love about them balance out that irritating feeling.
"There is beauty in every scar, flaw, and blemish you wish to hide."
In a world obsessed with perfection, it's easy to forget that our scars, flaws, and blemishes are what make us uniquely beautiful. This quote serves as a powerful reminder that our imperfections tell our stories and shape who we are.
Each scar represents a battle fought and a victory won, whether physical or emotional. These marks are badges of resilience, showing that we've endured challenges and emerged stronger. Our flaws, often seen as weaknesses, are actually the quirks that make us human and relatable. They are the nuances that set us apart in a world of sameness. Blemishes, be they on our skin or in our character, are reminders of our vulnerability and growth.
Start Here:
1. Self-Acceptance: Start by acknowledging and accepting your imperfections as part of your journey and contribute to your unique identity.
2. Shift Your Perspective: Instead of viewing your flaws as negatives, try to see them as aspects that add depth to your character. Recognize that everyone has imperfections and that they are a natural part of being human.
3. Celebrate Your Journey: Reflect on how your scars and flaws have shaped your life. Celebrate the strength and resilience they've given you. Sharing your stories with others can often make you relatable and inspiring to others.
4. Focus on Inner Beauty: Remember that true beauty comes from within. Cultivate qualities like kindness, empathy, and authenticity. When you radiate inner beauty, external imperfections become insignificant.
5. Surround Yourself with Positivity: Engage with people who appreciate you for who you are, imperfections and all.
6. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize taking care of your mind and body. Engage in activities that make you feel good and boost your confidence. When you feel healthy and happy, it's easier to embrace your imperfections.
In a society that often pressures us to conform to unrealistic standards, finding beauty in our scars, flaws, and blemishes is a radical act of self-love. Embrace your imperfections, for they are the very essence of your individuality and strength.
Author - Jamila Doncher
“Don’t humble yourself out of opportunities.” - Sonia Ghir
We’ve all been told to “stay humble,” a well-meaning piece of advice that encourages modesty and a grounded attitude. Humility is a virtue, but it’s like walking a tightrope—there is a fine line between humility and undervaluing oneself. Too often, people humble themselves out of opportunities, allowing modesty to overshadow their achievements, skills, and potential.
Additionally, many individuals fail to recognize the inherent value they possess, even when they don’t see it themselves. Excessive humility can lead to underselling skills, fear of self-promotion, and missed networking opportunities. It’s like having a treasure chest but keeping it locked away, never realizing its worth or allowing others to see the riches within.
To strike a balance between humility and self-advocacy, it’s essential to acknowledge your achievements, practice assertive communication, prepare for self-promotion, seek feedback, and support others. Recognizing your inherent value, even when self-doubt clouds your perception, is crucial. Embracing your worth is not about arrogance but rather about self-respect and professional growth.
Recognizing your own value is the first step towards achieving your full potential.
Start Here:
Acknowledge Your Achievements: Celebrate your successes and recognize your hard work.
Find the Impact: Focus on the impact and results rather than boasting.
Practice Assertive Communication: Be clear and confident when discussing your skills and accomplishments to ensure your voice is heard and your contributions are recognized.
Seek Feedback: Regularly ask for feedback from colleagues and mentors to reinforce your value and contributions and boost your confidence.
Embrace Your Uniqueness: Recognize and trust the inherent value in your unique set of skills and experiences, even if you don’t always see it yourself.
While humility is important, ensure it does not prevent you from taking chances and seizing opportunities. Embrace your worth, acknowledge your achievements, and confidently communicate your value. Even if you don’t always see it yourself, trust that you have inherent value that others recognize.
Author - Sonia Ghir
“Sometimes, where you’re meant to go means leaving things behind.” - Marina Fahim
Our lives consist of a series of decisions. Sometimes, the decisions we have to make are not the easiest ones. Many of us know what it’s like to end up at a crossroads of life, where moving forward requires leaving things behind. While the quote that started this whole post can have one thinking of everything they lost, it can also be looked at in another light.
The path we are about to travel has things we will want to pick up and enjoy, and the truth is we can’t hold it all. This means there is a benefit to putting things down and leaving them on the road behind us so we can pick up the amazing things we will find along the way.
So how do we look forward…
Start Here:
Think of the life that you want to achieve. What does this look like for you? Taking into account career, personal development and social relationships.
Now, think of the things that are holding you back, keeping you away from the life that you want for yourself. In other words, what do you need to put down?
What are the rewards of making these changes, and what are the potential repercussions?
What are the repercussions of making no decision at all?
Remember, every path you’ve journeyed in life was once new until you found your way. This new feeling will pass, and this will become the road most frequently travelled.
Author - Marina Fahim
Sometimes closure is what you do and not always what you get.
Quote: Closure is brilliant in books and movies as a way to wrap things up in a satisfactory manner, but real life is rarely so simple. - Mandi Em
In life, the longing for closure often arises as a chapter, entwined with a particular situation or person we once held dear, draws its curtains. This quest for closure transforms into a desperate attempt to understand, to decipher the sometimes cryptic nature of goodbyes. In these moments, we take on the role of emotional archaeologists, delving into the layers of sentiment in the hope of finding some inner peace.
However, life doesn't always provide the neatly tied bows we seek, leaving us to grapple with the ambiguity between what was and what will be. Yet, within this ambiguity, a certain beauty unfolds—a canvas upon which we paint the colours of resilience, acceptance, and the quiet strength to move forward.
Closure, elusive as it may be, doesn't arrive in the manner we anticipate; it is not passively bestowed upon us. Instead, it often demands intentional steps on our part, urging us to draw it from within rather than relying on external sources. The journey of seeking closure can prove to be as valuable, if not more so, than the closure itself, fostering inherent growth. Individuals have the capacity to contribute actively to their own healing, promoting a sense of empowerment and self-reliance. In this process, personal responsibility emerges, requiring acceptance and adaptation to the reality of the situation. It can be humbling to accept that the power to find resolution and peace resides not only in external circumstances but is, fundamentally, an internal and empowering act of self-discovery. Closure is a journey where the footsteps of acceptance pave the way forward, a silent conversation with ourselves, and a deliberate act of letting go when the universe forgets to tie up loose ends.
Start Here:
Take the time to process the emotions you have surrounding the loss. Be genuine and honest with yourself about the emotions you are experiencing. Recognize the different layers of sadness, anger, or any other sentiments that may be present. This honesty lays the groundwork for a more authentic and meaningful engagement with the process of letting go.
Write it down. Take the time to articulate your thoughts and feelings by putting them into written words. Even if direct communication with the person or situation is challenging or unattainable, expressing yourself through writing serves as a valuable outlet. It allows you to crystallize your emotions, gain clarity on your perspective, and release pent-up feelings.
Lean into external support. Closure often benefits from external support. Talk to friends, family, or a therapist who can offer guidance and a different perspective. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with others can provide emotional support and help you gain insights that contribute to closure.
In the intricate process of seeking closure, as we navigate the complexities of our emotions and embrace the practice of detachment, it is crucial to acknowledge that the suggested steps—processing emotions, articulating through writing, and seeking external support—transcend mere routine actions. Instead, they represent profound acts of self-discovery. Each deliberate step taken on this internal journey plays a significant role in shaping the portrait of resilience, acceptance, and the quiet strength needed to progress.
- Sonia Ghir
“Just because you can keep going doesn’t mean you should”
Have you ever driven over a pothole and felt the impact in the depths of your soul? It may take the wind out of you for a few seconds, but the car is still moving so you keep on going. Every day you journey on the road, dipping and weaving some potholes, and some, well, they get you and knock the wind out of you again, but the car keeps going.
Eventually, that wear and tear on your car causes some concerns. Things don’t feel right, and while the car is still moving, you know it’s not in the best of shape. So you bring it to the mechanic to get checked out, so you don’t break down on the road.
This is the experience that many underrepresented communities face today. The potholes are the challenging experiences we face every day. Some of them are small, some you dodge, and some knock the wind out of you. And while you can keep pushing, it starts to wear on you time after time.
Start Here:
1. Where are you going to get checked out when the potholes of life starts to cause a mental impact?
2. How are you going to keep going if you ignore the signs that something is not right?
3. I just want you to know that you might not be able to fix the potholes because the truth is, we often don’t cause them. But until they are fixed, who is helping to ensure you keep going?
I want to see all of us on the road in mint condition; don’t be afraid to seek help. We can help!
-Jhanelle Peters
“You can’t measure your success against someone else when you don’t have the same starting point.”
"A happy runner compares himself to his last run, not to others who are faster." - Sonja Lyubomirsky
In a world where we’re constantly overconsumed and barraged by social media, our sense of adequacy and self-worth lingers in the hands of comparison. The truth is, we can always say someone else seems to have life “figured out.” Someone else might seem more intelligent, more successful, wealthier; the list goes on. Anytime our mind looms in comparison mode, we become too busy consumed in other people’s success rather than living the life we truly want.
As humans, our minds are programmed to put greater emphasis on the negative. Therefore, when we get sucked into the comparison trap, we overlook the positive and focus on where we fall short. Get this, “we always compare the worst version of ourselves to someone’s best version.” Yup! You may want to read that again!
It’s natural to want to be good at things. However, when success is merely measured by comparing ourselves to others, it only becomes unfair for both parties. We all come from different upbringings, experiences, cultures, and challenges. Weighing our accomplishments against someone else’s can make us feel like we are on opposite ends of a balance beam, a harmful comparison that can undermine our goals and happiness. It’s like expecting a baby to learn how to walk without teaching them how to crawl – everyone has their timeline. You may look at people around you and think they are ahead of you, but they may just be living at their own pace. Don’t rush yourself to beat someone else’s clock:
Start here:
1) Celebrate the progress, not the result: Think about the journey that got you to this point. Never underestimate the power of small victories, and remind yourself that any progress is still progress, no matter how little.
2) What are you telling yourself? What you tell yourself is fuel to what you’re about to do next. Am I falling victim to other people’s narratives and expectations of myself? Catching that record from spinning and influencing your behaviour can prevent the same music from playing in your brain.
3) Create space and time to seek connections, hobbies, and personal interests that will help foster your inner strengths.
Remember, setting the goal to become fully confident can sometimes be part of the problem. Sometimes it’s okay not to know. It’s okay to have to work towards something. It’s okay to try again and try things at your own pace or differently. Good luck on YOUR journey.
Author - Justina Barsoum
“Success includes failure. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It is part of the equation.”
When given the option between failure and success, success is the preferred conversation for most. When we think of success, we associate it with benefits such as material, social and personal gains, to mention a few. After all, success is the positive consequence of one’s achievements. The problem is that most success stories appear to promote success as the goal without emphasizing what the process to success may include. Unless you're perfect, which no one is, success will most likely include failure. It's literally a part of life. Trust me; I get that the possibility of failure can be terrifying. Failing means that you didn't meet your expectations, but it doesn't mean you WON’T succeed. It means that way didn't work, and you can try something different. Don’t let your worth and capabilities run away with something that didn't work out. Don't give it that power!
Start Here:
Think about past experiences where you struggled initially but ultimately succeeded.
Identify how struggling made you feel and what encouraged you to continue.
Moving forward, give yourself permission to be imperfect and reframe what your failure means—for example, looking at mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning.
Remind yourself that experiencing failure makes you human.
Failure may be viewed as a blessing or a curse, depending on whether you perceive it as a roadblock or a stepping stone. Failure doesn't have to be your end destination, nor does it have to define you.
Author- Letiesha Dunn
Openness and vulnerability does not only come from sharing your past. It’s also found in communicating what you would like to see moving forward.
“Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.” – Brené Brown
When we think about vulnerability, we often think of oversharing about our past traumas and negative experiences. While this may be helpful in opening ourselves up to people in certain contexts, it is not a necessity when forming connections. Sometimes the past can hold painful memories or feelings that cannot be shared with others. On the other hand, sometimes sharing these experiences empowers us and leads to the development of vulnerability and openness. However, only sharing the past without focusing on the future may be counterproductive in relationships. It is important to transform our past experiences into life lessons for what we need moving forward.
Start Here:
Think about your past experiences, thoughts, and emotions, and use these to identify your current and future needs.
Once you identify your needs, create boundaries for yourself. For example, this can look like physical boundaries, sexual boundaries, financial boundaries, or other non-negotiable boundaries.
While forming or deepening connections with others, practice vulnerability by sharing the past but also conveying your needs and boundaries moving forward.
Focusing on the future and communicating our needs and boundaries with others allows us to practice self-care and ensure we protect ourselves. This also encourages healthy and open communication in relationships, further strengthening our connections.
Author- Sharva Katagi
Your strength didn’t disappear with what you’ve lost. It is in what you have left.
"Di daakest paat a di night a when day suu light" - Jamaican Proverb
The darkest part of the night is just before dawn. – English Translation
Meaning: Your worst experience is sometimes the source of great change and a pivotal moment of your inner strength
After experiencing trauma, loss or any life event that has left us with the residue of negative impact, it is easy to assume that we are left in a physical and emotional deficit. We might feel hopeless, inferior, used, mistreated, manipulated, and hold onto many regrets. Regrets of our choices, regrets of the event, regrets we ignored the red flags and begin to replay what we could have done differently.
We sometimes carry feelings of disappointment in others and disappointment in ourselves. A feeling of disappointment in self can be the root or start of self-inflicted pain. Self-inflicted pain chips at our self-esteem as we count the loss and create a daily cycle of replaying the situation. This cycle is sometimes fixated on regrets and ignites feelings of hopelessness and can sometimes convince you that you have lost all strength and all hope and can never overcome what has happened.
But guess what? Your strength didn’t disappear with what you’ve lost. It is what you have left!
Despite what happened, you are still here, and light is ahead. Make room for the triumphant person that takes it day by day, and one step at a time. You can regain your strength and some additional strength because you have overcome a situation you thought was your defeat.
Start Here:
1. Validate your feelings and what you have been through. Feel your feelings, and know that it is normal to feel the way you do. It is normal to feel like all strength is lost with what you have been through.
2. Rise from it: Don't isolate yourself. Welcome environments that will help you regain your strength and develop new strengths, such as friends, family and therapeutic relationships that will help you process what you have been through as you share how you feel and rise from the situation that you once thought would have been a monument to a story centred around defeat.
Your strength did not disappear with what you have lost; it is what you have left!
Author- Albertina Hinds
“Sometimes where you’re meant to go means leaving things behind.”
It all begins with an idea.
When we think about the people, places and things we leave behind, it can feel really heavy and sad. Here's another way to look at it.
Think about it as putting away the things you've already learned, enjoyed and experienced; so you can make room for what you need to pick up on the road ahead. Life is a journey, and you'll need room for all the people and things you have yet to love.
Start Here:
1. Ask yourself what you've learned from what you are placing aside.
2. Think about what you want to gain as you move forward.