“You can’t measure your success against someone else when you don’t have the same starting point.”

"A happy runner compares himself to his last run, not to others who are faster." - Sonja Lyubomirsky 

In a world where we’re constantly overconsumed and barraged by social media, our sense of adequacy and self-worth lingers in the hands of comparison. The truth is, we can always say someone else seems to have life “figured out.” Someone else might seem more intelligent, more successful, wealthier; the list goes on. Anytime our mind looms in comparison mode, we become too busy consumed in other people’s success rather than living the life we truly want. 

As humans, our minds are programmed to put greater emphasis on the negative. Therefore, when we get sucked into the comparison trap, we overlook the positive and focus on where we fall short. Get this, “we always compare the worst version of ourselves to someone’s best version.” Yup! You may want to read that again!

It’s natural to want to be good at things. However, when success is merely measured by comparing ourselves to others, it only becomes unfair for both parties. We all come from different upbringings, experiences, cultures, and challenges. Weighing our accomplishments against someone else’s can make us feel like we are on opposite ends of a balance beam, a harmful comparison that can undermine our goals and happiness. It’s like expecting a baby to learn how to walk without teaching them how to crawl – everyone has their timeline. You may look at people around you and think they are ahead of you, but they may just be living at their own pace. Don’t rush yourself to beat someone else’s clock:

Start here:

1) Celebrate the progress, not the result: Think about the journey that got you to this point. Never underestimate the power of small victories, and remind yourself that any progress is still progress, no matter how little.

2) What are you telling yourself? What you tell yourself is fuel to what you’re about to do next. Am I falling victim to other people’s narratives and expectations of myself? Catching that record from spinning and influencing your behaviour can prevent the same music from playing in your brain.

3) Create space and time to seek connections, hobbies, and personal interests that will help foster your inner strengths.

Remember, setting the goal to become fully confident can sometimes be part of the problem. Sometimes it’s okay not to know. It’s okay to have to work towards something. It’s okay to try again and try things at your own pace or differently. Good luck on YOUR journey. 

Author - Justina Barsoum